Written by Jessica Miklos, Chapter Executive, ABC Toronto
Gifted students have a tendency towards perfectionism and impossibly high internal standards. They don't need the adults in their lives to point out that there are bigger mountains than the ones that they are currently climbing. They know. They have a list. And they are often telling themselves that the only definition of success is to climb the highest mountain, and to do it in a way that has never been done before. Perfectionism and burnout are significant risks in the gifted population. And those can be paralysing.
So they need teachers who are willing to reassure them that it is ok to be at the age and stage that they are at right now. It is ok not to have all the answers right now. It is ok to have made a mistake climbing the current mountain. And it is ok to choose not to climb every mountain that is available. It is ok to stop and appreciate the scenery of where you are right at this moment. When you choose to tackle a path that you have not been on before, there will be folks who are happy to help you build the skills that you need for that challenge. Your job right now, is to figure out which skills are working for you and which skills are harder. On the current mountain. By the time you reach the next mountain, you will have grown and learned things that you don't know now. It isn't a flaw to not have it all figured out right now.
Life is a journey. It is ok to ask for help with skills that are harder for you. And it is important to learn when to push and when to rest. Those who push without resting eventually run out of steam. So rest when you are tired. Analyse your resources and make choices about what feels good to you as a next step.
They need to hear that figuring out what brings you joy is important. If everyone took the same path, the path wouldn't be special. Your job isn't to figure out which path is the most prestigious. Your job is to figure out which path makes sense for your interests, your talents and your weaknesses.
Having weaknesses isn't a flaw. It is part of the human condition. It isn't a moral imperative to take path X or Y. There are many valid paths. They need to hear that you trust them explore the side trails and to report back on the amazing things that they find there. That you would love to hear about the interesting connections that they have thought of. That their creativity and imagination and character matter a whole lot more than a mark on a test. No one will remember their score on a test even a year from now.
In order to have the courage to explore and branch out, they need reassurance that they have judgment and skills and the ability to learn and change. They don't need constant reminders that there is an edge that they could fall off of. And they certainly don't need to be reminded that there are others on the trail and that some people are ahead of them.
I have taken guidance from a gifted educator who I greatly respect. He tells families at every opportunity that his biggest challenge isn't getting gifted students to push harder. It is getting them to rest. It is getting them to understand that they can be successful without getting into engineering at Waterloo. There are many schools and many paths, and different ones are better fits for different students. Is high school harder? Yes. But it isn't impossibly hard. And every year, the students will be a year older and with the skills that come with more experience.
Students who are having a harder time with executive functioning skills can and should take a gifted learning strategies class where they will have people supporting them to learn different strategies that will work better for them. They will have access to guidance counsellors. To peer tutors. They will have more cool opportunities available than they could possibly participate in. So they need to learn to choose. And if they choose something that turns out not to be for them, it is ok. They will learn from that and make a different choice next time.